I feel so–eyuck.
I thought if i came to write about it, it may help me get over it. You know, “can’t change it now,’ ‘live with no regrets,’ and all the reassuring things you try to tell yourself when you choke. And i’m really trying to listen, but bruhhhhh
I get lost on how much lore I’ve exposed about myself, um. I’m 25 lol. I graduated undergrad 3 years ago now, I have a B.A.A. in Organizational Leadership, like we’ve got all that info right? i’m so cooked bro lmao.
The category for this post should be called “lived and moved,’ lmao. Anyways, so I did not go to college seeking better opportunities. If we recall um, I’ve always wanted to model. There was that season of Scandal & HTGAWM, and I just knew I was meant to be a lawyer. But long before I even applied to college, that trend had passed. So honestly, how the hell did I ever end up at a university?
College isn’t even my biggest regret. The time, working tirelessly for hours toward a degree that would eventually leave me in the cold, literally.
fuck no.
Like bro, I get its broad, but that supposedly wasn’t supposed to matter.
“Go to college and see a better future” or whatever the fuck.
Three years.
If I had just one Indeed account, I could tell you exactly how many job applications I’ve submitted. Temp agencies I’ve gone through. The miles I’ve put on this here body all in the name of “these four years will be worthwhile.” And then tag on that I’m a terrible fucking interviewee. I can’t even say that I’m a terrible interviewee, man. Hold on to that thought.
Three fucking years. I guess I’m kind of pissed. So, I bought this damn degree for thousands?? Oh, the number of analogies coming through my head right now, I’m PISSED.
Imagine spending money that you don’t even fucking have.
bitchhhhh
I can’t say that I’m a terrible interviewee. I am terribly nervous at this point lmao. Why? Oh, I don’t know…
Everything y’all told me, has been a lie.
I haven’t seen a return on any investments, but I should be oh so willing to invest again. “Go back to school.”
Somehow.
I’m supposed to know what to do next. Or in a professional sense: I should know where I see myself with this company in the next 3-5 years.
girl I don’t know.
Like what do I do when I have a list of what I do NOT want? Lmfao.
I don’t want to feel like, I cheated myself, you know, like in a self-sabotage kind of way. You know, when you know you want more. You can’t say you want more, or you want this for yourself, and then watch the shit pass you by.
Sometimes it’s not the lack of opportunity or the number of closed doors, sometimes it’s psyching yourself out before you even walk in the door.
Imagine how many doors you’ve locked yourself out of?
Don’t play yourself, out of yourself playa.
The game isn’t fixed yet.
k bye
robyn
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